conversation i had with my dad this afternoon.

conversation i had with my dad this afternoon.



night two. safe arrival.

today i got an email from my dad saying that he and his unit made it to qatar safely! what a relief! he has been on a flight for about 20 hours. can you imagine?! well they made a brief sojourn to germany in order to refuel the plane, but still. he said they pretty much got off the plane for several minutes, and then jumped right on, with no time to spare. he made it to qatar at around 8:00pm eastern time, which is about 4:00am their time. i am just glad he made it there safely!

(Source: gay-military-brat)



my family at my dad’s base before he was deployed on 7 November, 2011
my family at my dad’s base before he was deployed on 7 November, 2011


my dad and his roommate at their base before deployment.
my dad and his roommate at their base before deployment.


my brother, sister, and me at my dad’s base in cincinnati, ohio.
my brother, sister, and me at my dad’s base in cincinnati, ohio.


(L to R) my dad, my grandma, me, my brother joe, and my sister april at my dad’s base before he was deployed to qatar.
(L to R) my dad, my grandma, me, my brother joe, and my sister april at my dad’s base before he was deployed to qatar.


my dad and grandma when we dropped him off at his base for deployment.
my dad and grandma when we dropped him off at his base for deployment.


(L to R) me, my dad, and my sister april before my dad was deployed to qatar.
(L to R) me, my dad, and my sister april before my dad was deployed to qatar.


my dad and brother joe the night my dad was deployed- Nov. 7th, 2011
my dad and brother joe the night my dad was deployed- Nov. 7th, 2011


my dad and sister, april, before he got deployed.
my dad and sister, april, before he got deployed.


night one. the family shambles.

so, in my previous post, i said that my family was breaking. i thought i would give you some background information on that subject. my dad has been married and divorced six times, that i know of. my mom was the first, and they had my sister april and i. in his second marriage, he had my brother joe and another boy, chase, in his third marriage. i live with my sister april and mom. we keep in good contact with joe, but chase is currently living with his mom somewhere in california and the last time i saw him was about 5 years ago. he had troubles as a kid, and it seemed like he was bounced around between my dad and his mom. nobody could really handle him. he was born when his mom was addicted to heroin, so he was clearly messed up from that.

there is growing tension between me and my mom, and i have a pretty good relationship with my dad, although i never really got to see him a whole lot. i had plans of moving in with him this winter, but then he got called to yet another tour of duty, so that was a damper on my plans. there is definately some tension between my mom and dad over child support and stuff like that.

my grandpa on his side died five years ago to cancer, and she quickly remarried a family friend. nobody in the family took this well. my aunt kim moved to baltimore, then to orlando and married some guy (her fourth marriage) and my dad, soon after, moved to miami. there were many arguments between my dad, aunt, grandma, and her new husband and one even escaladed to the point where my dad punched a hole in his windshield. my dad and aunt seemed to have moved in the midst of these arguments, so they never really got resolved.

My dad doesn’t contact my brother chase at all, he only talks to joe when he has to, but has a really good relationship with my sister and i for some reason. and that is currently where our family is standing. that is the shambles that my dad gave to me to repair. how am i going to do this? only time will tell…

(Source: gay-military-brat)



night one. the family puzzle.

so my dad left tonight. how surreal is this? the third time i have had to say goodbye to him for awhile. while the tears were flowing down my family’s faces, my dad said something to me that weighed me down emotionally. “while i am gone, you have to step up and be the man i always knew you could be. protect them, support them, and keep them together. if i don’t make it back for some reason, you better give me reason to smile down from heaven, you hear me?” good god. i don’t know what hit me the hardest, the fact that he trusted me enough to keep the family moving or the fact that even he admitted the possibility that he might not return. the past two time he went overseas, i was too little for that kind of responsibility, but now that i’m 19, i guess he is right. i have to be the man of the household. i am definitely expecting some hard times to come, but god do i hope i can keep strong for my family. it will be hard to say the least, especially since i never really was “the man” of anything, but i know i can do it. fuck, i have to. our family is already splitting, and it breaks our hearts, but he seemed to be the glue keeping it together. it’s like a puzzle, when you put it together, it may look nice, but try to pick it up and it crumbles apart. put glue on it and you still have to wait for it to dry before picking it up. well, right now, the glue on the family puzzle is continuing to dry. hopefully i can be the strong gust of wind that locks the glue into place. i’m anxious, but ready. recently, my depression has started to manifest again, and my dad leaving cannot be good in terms of me beating my depression. i just hope i can do this without breaking…

stay tuned for more blog updates. including emails my dad and i send, pictures he sends me, and things happening here, at home.






my dad and i before he left for his third tour of duty in qatar with the air force.

my dad and i before he left for his third tour of duty in qatar with the air force.